please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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