wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
