she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
