Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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