i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
did you just send me my own nude
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
