just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
