Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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