yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
