He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
