I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
