Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
