Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
