You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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