So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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