Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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