I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
