I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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