I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
