i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
