Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's blow job season.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
