Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
