You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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