There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
