How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
