let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
