If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
