Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
