i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
