billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
