im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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