god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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