i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
