WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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