I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
