fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
