We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
