i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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