If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Randomize
