it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
