is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish life had little blips of pornography
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
