I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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