imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
