I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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