i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Banned from zoo.
Again?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
