listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
