Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
