btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
worst night to have a conscience
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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