My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
