Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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