tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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