If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
