Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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